How could I ever forget? The pain, the exhaustion, the anxiety, the sweating, the pressure, the counting and pushing. I remember ALL of it.
For starters, my son was born on his due date, January 18th 2016. I remember two nights before I was feeling super huge, uncomfortable, barely being able to breathe and just flat out being tired of being pregnant. I wanted my baby and I wanted him fast!
On Friday January 15th the Doctor checked me. Everything was fine, with absolutely NO signs of labor he said, “We’ll wait about another week”. With my due date being the 18th I FREAKED OUT! Another week of being pregnant – omg I can’t! I had no labor symptoms…. none what so ever. Fast forward to Sunday the 17th. My whole family was over and we were singing karaoke. I was feeling tired, but something in me triggered me to do my hair and get pretty. I felt tightness in my belly all afternoon but I thought it was from laughing so much…….turns out that too is considered contractions. It wasn’t painful, just uncomfortable.
Right before my little cousin left my house, he took a look at my belly and said “Yeah you’re popping in two hours”. He was right!
It was a little past midnight, I was laying in bed, my boyfriend playing his video game when all of a sudden…..POP! MY WATER BROKE! I gasped when I heard and felt the pop, my boyfriend scared said ” what was that?” I got up from the bed and that’s when water literally gushed down my pants and legs! Oh My God… my boy was coming! Surprisingly I was very calm, but my boyfriend was freaking out! As soon as my water broke my contractions were 2-3 minutes apart. I thought, well my contractions are so close together this is gonna be fast. We grabbed my hospital bag and headed over to the hospital.
At the hospital I was admitted and hooked up to an IV and to all the other machines that monitor the baby during labor. They checked how much I was dilated…… only 2 cm😩 I was super against getting an epidural and wanted an all natural birth. It was what I planned for, what I so badly wanted. I lasted 9 hours without one until I was 5cm dilated. I was walking around through every contraction. I was exhausted already, I NEEDED relief. I was walking around , I was in the hot shower, I was bouncing on a yoga ball, I was really trying! The hot shower alleviated my pain for some time. I was suppose to go into the shower naked but I told my nurse and boyfriend ” Fuck it” and walked right in….. socks ,hospital gown and all. 😂 My freshly straightened hair was also ruined and I just didn’t care. Anything to help ease what felt like period cramps at pain level 1,000. As much pain as I was enduring I was surprisingly calm. I wasn’t screaming, I wasn’t yelling at the nurses…. yes I couldn’t stand my boyfriend but I was still calm.
At that point the pain was so real I said to the nurse, “Give me the epidural NOW!” They called in the anesthesiologist… as soon as he put the epidural in I felt NO PAIN! I was disappointed in myself for giving in. I felt like a failure- it wasn’t in my birthing plan. BUT I was able to rest and I needed it. Three hours later, at 12pm, the epidural couldn’t stop the pain anymore so the nurse checked to see how dilated I was and said “it’s time!” Thoughts in my head; OMG my son is gonna be here soon, freaking the fuck out!
The longest three hours of physical pain in my life happened next. I pushed with every contraction! I was calm, not screaming, just really calm. Breathing and pushing, breathing and pushing. I started to get a fever and I was SO TIRED. My heart and the baby’s was starting to become distressed so I was given an oxygen mask. The doctors were able to see my baby’s head with each push but he wouldn’t pass the birth canal. On the last minute of the third hour trying push my boy out I had three options; push for another hour, use the vacuum or c-section. I just wanted my baby fast so I said c-section. At this point I could no longer push with every contraction so I had to fight the urge to push. They had to prep me for the surgery and the anesthesiologist took what seemed FOREVER! ….2 minutes to be exact.
Having a C-section for me was never in the plans. I never wanted one. I felt like it was the easy way out. But I chose it because it was the right choice for my health and for my baby’s. And let me tell you all, it is far from the easy way out… but that’s another post!
My surgery went like this:
I was placed on the operating table, and the drape to cover my lower body was placed up right away. The anesthesiologist stood to the right of me, my boyfriend to the left and a nurse behind my head.
I was freaking out. The anesthesiologist probed my stomach and legs with his hand to make sure I was numb…I was so it was time. I heard the Doctor and the nurses going over the surgery. First they gave my information and then they gave a detailed synopsis with all medical terms on how the surgery was going to be done. The doctor started cutting, I felt pulling and tugging and more pulling and pressure. As he was pulling my son out the doctor said, ” Woah baby. If I knew he was this big I never would have made you push those three hours” and then boom…. my baby boy started crying. Along with his cry, I was bawling and so was my boyfriend. In all our 5 years of being together it was the first time I EVER saw or heard him cry. My boyfriend gave me a kiss then walked over to the baby to cut his umbilical cord and watch as they weighed and cleaned our little Manny Jr off. A whopping 9 lbs 9oz and 21 1/2 inches long born at 3:43pm.
Our tears didn’t stop.
I saw my son and touched his sweet little face for a few seconds before he was taken to the NICU. I developed a fever during labor and they needed to take precaution. As they were closing me up it felt like my heart was going to explode. The pressure of them putting everything back in my stomach… more pulling…more tugging… all of it was giving me the MOST intense heartburn of my life. It was so intense i cried some more and felt like I was going to die. I was in the recovery room post surgery so I wasn’t able to hold my son until two hours after I gave birth….so of course my tears kept coming down. My boyfriend however was with him for those two hours, as were my parents and his parents.
I wanted to see and hold my son SO BAD. As soon as my two hours of recovery were up and my fever was gone, the amazing nurses wheeled my bed into the NICU and let me have my moment. I will NEVER forget the moment I first held him. MY SON, HE IS MINE. Instant tears down my face. I was numb to all the post c-section pain, I didn’t care who was in the room, it was just me and him and I fell in love. A feeling I never felt before. I was blessed, I was chosen to be his mommy and I was so happy, nervous, excited and scared. Overwhelmed with love, I couldn’t stop starring and he starred back. That moment is imbedded in my head and heart forever AND I’m so happy that my boyfriend caught it on camera too. 💞
Mommies to be, please always be prepared for whatever may happen. Each of us picture how the day we give birth will go, we read stories like mine and freak out. Don’t. Just know that you have been chosen to carry your baby, you will get through labor which ever way you chose and medically can. Like myself many moms don’t plan for a C-section, but it can happen for a number of reasons. Don’t think it’s you taking the easy way out because it’s not at all. No matter which way it’s done, you’re the one giving birth to your baby. Everyone’s story is unique.
Good luck momma and safe labor and delivery !